December 31, 2013

These are To Do :)

So, i've just dealt with stupid procrastination in the post What To Do. Okay, let me assume it as an excuse with doing contemplation. But super long contemplation is lame, sooo lame. So i push myself to do internal attrition - a movement that comes from internal locus of control.

I started my day by going to bookstore and read some books on the spot. I was just too picky to buy recent trend books which seem not worth it to have. And, yay, I finished reading a book titled 'Perempuan' by Quraish Shihab. It contained three main topics: daily moslemah life, marriage, and raising children. I thought it was very good for my self development (okay, be honest, to know more about marriage) and realizing that Islam really loved women.

I also had chance to crave for Hoka hemat in December, yay. You know, Hoka Bento is quite expensive these days, because of new pattern and new strategy, so i do miss Hoka Hemat. But December is... now gone :/

December 30, 2013

Patahan #80

"Jagalah sholatmu, ketika kau kehilangannya, kau akan kehilangan yang lainnya" -Umar Bin Khattab.

Such a reminder. It slaps me a lot.

December 29, 2013

Di Balik Kata 'Resolusi'

Kali ini mau iseng mengulas satu kata yang selalu marak terdengar di penghujung tahun, yaitu resolusi. Saat sedang menyusun script dan mencari tahu tentang makna kata ini, ada satu hal yang membuat saya tergelitik. Berdasarkan Kamus Besar Bahasa Indonesia (KBBI), resolusi adalah sebuah kata benda yang artinya putusan atau kebulatan pendapat berupa permintaan atau tuntutan yg ditetapkan oleh rapat (musyawarah, sidang); pernyataan tertulis, biasanya berisi tuntutan tentang suatu hal. Sebagai contoh: rapat akhirnya mengeluarkan suatu resolusi yang akan diajukan kepada pemerintah. Oleh karena itu, secara singkat definisi resolusi dalam bahasa Indonesia hanya terbatas sebagai risalah rapat, bukan tekad atau harapan yang selama ini diartikan oleh banyak orang.

Lalu, penggunaan kata resolusi dalam praktik berbahasa sehari-hari  ini menjadi salah? Hmmm, mari kita lihat dulu dari asal kata atau terminologinya. Kata resolusi berasal dari bahasa latin yang memiliki akar kata resolucioun, resolution yang masih serumpun dengan kata resolve dan memiliki pengertian a breaking into parts, process of reducing things into simpler forms, yang asal katanya adalah solving namun dalam hal menyelesaikan soal matematika. Sedangkan resolucioun sendiri memiliki arti the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc. (Tindakan penyelesaian atau penentuan berdasarkan suatu tindakan atau tindakan, metode, prosedur, dll).

Dilihat dari definisinya baik secara istilah dan terminologi, maka penggunaan kata resolusi telah mengalami perluasan di masyarakat. Kata resolusi yang pada awalnya hanya digunakan sebagai permintaan atau tuntutan oleh rapat, kini diterapkan sebagai permintaan atau tuntutan yang diajukan kepada diri sendiri. Dilihat dari asal katanya, revolve dipandang lebih tepat untuk menggantikan kata resolve karena mengandung makna revolusi atau perubahan. Namun, menurut saya, apapun istilah yang dipakai, baik resolusi, revolusi, tekad, target, sasaran, maupun harapan, yang paling penting adalah bagaimana komitmen setiap pribadi untuk mencapai dan merealisasikannya.

Nah, selain definisi, ada satu hal lagi yang membuat saya mengernyitkan dahi. Berdasarkan Wikipedia, Resolusi Tahun Baru merupakan sebuah tradisi dimana seseorang berjanji untuk melakukan tindakan perbaikan diri yang dimulai pada tahun baru. Asal dari tradisi resolusi ini dimulai dari zaman Babilonia kuno dan bangsa Romawi, juga ada beberapa pandangan agama yang mendasarinya dan bisa dilihat di sini atau di sini.

Hmmm, bagaimana? *mengernyit* Berkaca dari sejarahnya, semoga niat mulia kita dalam mencita-citakan perbaikan dan kebaikan di setiap tahunnya tidak menjadi salah kaprah ya. Wallahu a'lam bis-shawab :)

Bismillah! :)

December 27, 2013

Heart Medication (1)

When heart starts to feel cold, Allah always has ways to make me back to gratitude.

I just met an old woman standing confusedly with her walker beside a crowded road across Bintaro Plaza. She looked at me and said, "Are you going across, dear?"

"Yes, ma'am". I nodded.

"Please, help me to go there with you"

I held her hand and asked, "Are you alone, ma'am? It's so dangerous. What will you do there?"

"Thank you, dear. Yes, I am. I stop by here to buy some breads for my grandchildren. I remember them. They love breads..."

"How sweet. Take care, ma'am"

And we separated. I kept watching her from behind to make sure that she walked in a right direction. She stood carefully with her walkers and chose the breads.


It really broke my heart. That old woman... she reminded me to my grand mother. For me, it's a kind of heart medication. Do you feel happier and life is more meaningful when you can help people? Help people, and you will be helped.

Thanks Allah for your reminder ♡

December 26, 2013

What To Do?

December feels like the longest month ever in 2013 while November has run too fast. It seems I start to miss my activities. I miss things that I used to hate. Pressure. So it's true, we need pressure in balanced dose to make us keep moving, right? The mid-test will come soon, but hell yeah deadliners, I haven't made any meaningful move to prepare. What does I miss? Pressure, adrenaline, and... people! Told you, being alone and having abundant me time will kill you slowly. Let me call it as GUILTY PLEASURE. Me time is nothing if compared whom you can share with right?

I find another theory, it is similar with thermodynamics law: energy can be changed from one form to another, but it cannot be created or destroyed. It can be applied in human being. We transfer energy to one and another. When we are in good environment, we are gonna have good mood and big energy to solve the things together. But how about when we are in bad environment? Are we strong enough to be a trigger without being tarnished? Or when we are a single fighter, are we tough enough to create the energy that inspire everyone? And it's me. My energy is growing when I see people around doing the same things. My energy is awake when I am supported and I have targets. I hate dealing with solitude. I remember when my brother came here to accompany me last year. I just can't wait to teach the kids, meet my friends coming back from home, and realize that I'm not alone in this boarding house, and yeaaaah I love to see that scene and my energy will be loaded!

I have a lot of dreams these nights. Most are about people whom I love. I even have dream about the assignment that I really can't understand until today. I dream the lecturer, friends, and me doing normalization and relational database that actually fail me and the class. It's a nightmare. Even in the day, it's still a nightmare. And then, I dream walking with my mom. Sometimes it's annoying to be an overthinking and emotionally dependent person like me :(

I spent the days with escaping, sight-seeing, visiting my newlywed best friend's house (I miss her so much), treating myself ice cream and Big Ben puzzle, and hunting the gifts. I went to more than three places in a day to get a gift, but I couldn't find it. I was upset, so I bought something else, surely he needed it someday. I woke up early in December 24 to get him surprise, hid in restaurant beside his office waiting and pretending to enjoy my breakfast (junk food in the morning, bad!) and asked him to come. Happy birthday my December man, hope Allah bless you and love you more ♡♡♡

so close :)

What else? I watched five movies that successfully make me cry in December. What are they? Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, The Company Men, We Bought A Zoo, and The Korean Movie - The Classic. Oh my God, the movies are awesome! I don't give any review here because I realize I'm not an objective person in reviewing things (especially if it can touch my feelings and make me cry), but give a try! Unfortunately, I didn't finish any new book this month (text books are excluded)!

Still, I miss doing something real. I miss some walking. Can we, please?

December 25, 2013

Mister Vitamin

And I have no idea how I can be emotionally dependent with this person. Maybe because we are just much different each other. Like chocolate and peanut butter, it makes me complete and normal. I couldn't imagine if i were with somebody like me, because i do know how boring and complicated i can be.

And i have no idea how i can turn to be common girl without lot of pretending and tears. Wouldn't it be nice to have somebody that you can share with any moments maybe about being hugged in your dream, your random story in the morning, your hate and love in something, songs you just sing, stupid selfie you just take, your passion and fear, or about snacks that you've just shopped for hectic night and lazy evening?

It is perfect - to have someone that you can either rely on to help and to hold, to lead and to say that I'm wrong, to support and to love, and  ignore me somehow to push me stay dependent and strong. Yes, it is - to have someone to argue each other but end it with 'how' and laugh. Yes, it is - to make planning together, to have vision, to deal with 'i want to see you' but he has more important things to do, to accept imperfection, not to be  romantic and pathetic, to surprise with hardwork and real proofs, which make me pretty sure that I'm ready with this.

And i have no idea how he turns to be my vitamin through these rough days. Because i feel alive and problems seem lighter. And he is one of my reasons trying to be better.

In my deepest heart, I'd like to present "Thank you for your kindness and your patience, and sorry for disturbing your day, every day with my routine call and messages, stories, 'i am not slim', 'give me more attention', or 'when?'. I just don't have somebody that i can trust until this peak point".

My big gratitude to Allah with prayers that connect every heart more than anything in the world can do.

December 22, 2013

Masih Tentangmu, Ibu

"Malam ini tidurlah bersama Ibu"

Dan kebiasaan itu berlanjut di setiap kesempatan Tuhan mengizinkanku untuk pulang. Tak pernah ada alasan yang lebih baik untuk kembali selain menemuimu, Ibu.

Dan di pelukanmu itu, waktu membeku. Aku rindu hangatmu, aku rindu aromamu, aku rindu napasmu, aku rindu cintamu. Ibu.

Dan pada setiap doa, di usiaku yang tak lagi remaja, namaku ada di setiap sujudmu yang utama. Berharap kebaikan yang bahkan tak pernah terpikirkan oleh si empunya diri untuk hidupnya. Ibu.

Dan pada setiap penantian dering telpon untukmu, Ibu, kau menunggu satu jam yang berharga itu. Lalu bertanya ini itu, makan apa hari ini dan apa saja aktivitasku. Kau mendengar dengan antusias dan penuh rindu. Berkata pula Ibu, baik-baiklah selalu. Jangan bersedih, Allah selalu menjagamu.

Dan pada setiap hari ulang tahunmu, Ibu, kau menerima hadiah itu dengan hati tersipu-sipu. Padahal Ibu, tidak ada satu pun yang kulakukan yang dapat menggantikan ketulusanmu Ibu.

"Ibu, apa yang paling engkau inginkan?"

"Tak ada yang lebih aku inginkan, selain kebahagianmu"

"Ibu, peluk aku Ibu"

"Aku memelukmu seumur hidupmu, anakku. Apakah kau merasakannya sekarang?"

- Terima kasih Ibu. Selamat hari Ibu.

December 21, 2013

Where is Home?

The holiday has been coming! The mid-test is also waiting couple days after the new year. Wow, 2013 is almost over, what have I actually done for this year? Not much, I thought. But I always believe, we should appreciate every little accomplishment that we did. Every little one that might bring us to something big. Every little one that might be another dream and we are not grateful about it. I like to make simple therapy: when 'present me' thanks to 'past me' for doing the tough things and going through the hard days, I know that there is nothing useless. Experience and hard work never betray. It just needs right time to prove it :')

My lecturers said that we should enjoy this holiday to the fullest. Why? Because the load of assignments will be tighter and we need fresh energy to face the things. It feels like it's just the moment when I really understand about lesson that I used to learn: about the economy system and its influence to the country, or about the philosophy of the science (I love knowing the philosophy!). When papers attack, my therapy is also simple. If I used to write these, it would be easy for me to study in U.K. What an overrated dream :( but it works for me. Because what is impossible for Allah? Nothing, right? :)

I don't go home for this holiday. You know, when silence come like this -because everyone in my boarding house has come home- it makes me lose appetite and desire to do things. I just stare at my notebook, listen to the rain, and call my mom. I think I should be used to with this. Let me tell you, in the first grade of diploma three, I just came home twice. My first flight was mess, Adam Air got bankrupt, I lost my money, and I should change the flight. I felt guilty to my parents and I learned to choose the flight carefully. Because safety is also important, right? And in the second and third grade, I just came home once a year. Even in my third grade, I didn't celebrate Eid with my parents because the graduation day would be held a month after it, so I should make priority. What did I do during my holiday? I taught. I collected money by being private tutor. I stayed in my aunt's house. I walked alone to some place in Jakarta. But those experience really made me strong. Yes, I am. Then, I start to work and I can be financially independent, I can go home for three and four times a year. Besides, duty allows me to fly for free. Now, I think I just need to handle my feelings of being lonely and focus to priority. You really know what you want to take after this, right? :) Just be patient, icha. Man shabara zhafira. They who are patient, will be lucky.

For me, home does not always mean place. Home is an environment. I believe that everyone needs certain people to be his/her home. Certain people that can make us peaceful and being accepted. That's why home is where the heart belongs to. My family, my best friend, and him are my home. Blame me because I'm a queen of jealousy if it is related to them. It's not easy for me to find friends who accept me whatever I am, without only looking at my strength, but also my weakness. Sometimes it's tiring when I should be perfect and initiative, and it makes me really happy when I can meet him and I can say "I'm tired" or "I'm sad" and he treats me like a common girl. I am normal. I love that. I hate when people feel shy to let me involved or join something fun. I envy to them who have friends that really loyal and support each other. I miss having friends to play, to hang out, not only friends in purpose. Everyone has their own family and their own business. I love the concept of having allies. That's why when I have best friend, I will keep my trust in them. I'm afraid to lose them. And it makes me tend to be lonely somehow.

Don't blame me, okay? :)

December 12, 2013

The Perks of Being Deadliner

I've been very moody these days. Assignments come and go, and sometimes i really need pressure and stable mood to make them accomplished. When my brain -like the engine- has been warm, i can do it fast and everything runs well. I just need to make my engine warm, and I can spend some nights without enough sleep.

I need my vitamin to make me stay sane. What is my vitamin? My mother's voice and his call. Knowing there are some persons who care about me is thing that I should be grateful most. Is it beautiful when we realize we have the real supporters in our life? And finally, here come prayers. When there is nobody who stays beside us, we always have Allah. Allah is the best listener, ever.

And what's worse than having a writing block? Script block. The assignments flooded and my imagination stopped. I didn't have any idea until 2 hours before broadcasting. I forced my brain to think and my fingers to type - and 30 minutes before it should be released, it's done. Sometimes I need pressure, but sometimes it makes me really stressful and tiring. Adrenaline rushes!

What else did I miss? I missed two writing events in these two months. One was fairy tale competition by birokreasi, and another was essay competition from Pekan Mahasiswa STAN. Growing up makes me understand reality rather than imagination. I failed to write the fairy tale in the first page.

Maybe this is the difference between writing for passion and escape. When it is your passion, you have consistency. No matter how hard time goes, you always have reason to write. But when it is only about your escape, it's over.

And in this point, I realize. I just write for an escape.

December 5, 2013

A Mask

My best friend, Oselva just came from Medan. She stayed for a night in my room. She knew that I had random habit to sleep on the floor when I could not handle my sleepiness. She woke me up and then we had some girls talk that I really missed those days. She said:

"We work, we meet a lot of people, we smile, and we wear our mask all day. Yes, all day. It's tiring somehow. That's why when we go back home, we can take a deep breath because we have them - who still want to be with us whoever we are - without any certain mask. In this point, I know that family and marriage have become a good idea"

In this point, I know either that family and marriage have become a good idea.